Sunday, July 10, 2011


Sometimes we find that we need to do things different. I am looking at moving back to Bend or Redmond, then that way I can go back to school and get a degree. Once there I will stay for awhile and later will move out of state.

Too much drama in the last couple months and drama isn't what I need. I try to be a helpful person, but people tend to take advantage of my kindness. I try to do things my own way and leave my mark. We are always  doing things to help others, even if we don't realize it. I just want things to be normal again, maybe being in a place where people don't know me would be a good start. Have to wait and see.

I have a job once I go back to Central Oregon. I would be working as a landscaper. I am just hoping to get there and get money saved up. Money saved is a good thing. But first comes fixing the Malibu. And that alone is roughly 600 just for parts. Then another 150 or more in labor. So it will be difficult. But we are trying to get things right so we can leave

Sunday, July 3, 2011


I spent the last 2 weeks without having my son here. I was able to refocus and get things done. But now that he is home it's a new game all over again. I am nearing my wit's end in some respects. I am wanting to move from here so bad and just go away to like Montana or somewhere where I can start all over and make a life for me.

I spent my life living in the shadow of my sister. A perfect child to my parents. Able to serve in the military, married t a military man and well educated. Where I am the outcast, but just as smart as she is, only in a different way. My parents never cared that I could never serve. It was my dream, the dream was shattered.

Now I want away from here. My parents are trying to take Dante away from me, and I won't let it happen. That is why I want to move so bad. I didn't want to be in Oregon when I moved here all those years ago. Now I want out. Just to rebuild my life and the life of my family. That is what is important to me.

Life deals us hard times once in a while. And my life has been difficult since I came to Fossil. Noone here wants to trust me or give me a chance to prove myself. I can get work, but it doesn't pay all too good. I may make up to 11.00 an hour. That's if I'm lucky. It's time to get things together and make a change. I need a change and so does my family.

I try to provide a life for my family, but it is very difficult where I live. The market for jobs is non-existent. We get by with what little money we do get per month. And that equals about 1600.00. Most of that goes to bills and other things that are required. I will write more later